Of Lace and Love
by mutantpenguins
Summary: Ed knew it was a bad idea to go to that stupid ball with Roy. And what's with this pink frilly dress! Ed/Roy.


Please don't judge us by this. It's Ember's sad excuse to get Ed to cross-dress. Who knows? Maybe it's even funny. But it's also been done a million times, so she tried to put a fresh coat of purple and orange polka-dotted paint on that dead horse to make it look good as new.

Also, this definitely deserves its rating of T. Nothing graphic, but strong implications and kinky humor make for higher ratings.

Also also, this fic involves Ed and Roy. Together. In an established relationship. Living together. If you don't like it, then Ember says "Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get OVER it!" Rags to Riches simply reminds everyone that they don't have to read it. All you have to do is click the "back" button in the top left hand corner of your window.

Of Lace and Love

Edward Elric should have known it would be a good day to just stay away from the office. But he didn't, and so he would have to deal with the consequences.

It had all started innocently enough. "Hey, Ed," Roy Mustang, Edward's lover of two years, had called. He should have known it would mean trouble for his twenty-year-old self.

"What do you want?" he asked, totally unaware of what would happen.

"So, you know I've just been made Fuhrer, right?"

"Yeah," Ed replied with a puzzled frown. "We celebrated that last week sometime, didn't we?"

Roy couldn't help but smile. "Yes, we did. It was a rather spectacular… _celebration_… if I do say so myself," he commented, closing the distance between them.

Ed grinned. "Oh, so you liked that? Maybe I'll have to wear that blasted uniform more often, then." Still grinning, he pressed himself against Roy.

Roy barely managed to stifle a pleased moan. "You definitely will," he managed to say as Edward started kissing and nibbling down his neck.

With an evil smile Ed pressed Roy up against his desk before pulling away. "In any case, you wanted something?"

"Yeah. You," Roy panted, eyes dark with desire.

"Well, apart from that. Although this desk is rather kinky, I must admit."

It took Roy a while to remember that he had, in fact, called Ed into his office for something. "Oh. Yes, that."

"What?"

Roy smiled. "How would you feel about coming into the open for the first time in two years?"

"You know I'd love to. But how?"

Roy's smile turned evil. "Well, you see, there's going to be a ball this weekend in honor of me becoming Fuhrer and all."

That was bad news. Ed hated parties of any sort just as much as Roy seemed to love them. Luckily hiding their relationship from a previously homophobic world had enabled him to skip out on the parties. But now that the law was more accepting (a distinct advantage of having the Fuhrer for a lover), it seemed Ed's luck had run out. "And you want me to go with you."

"Well, in a manner of speaking…"

Ed instantly turned suspicious. "What do you mean?"

"How well do you like jokes?"

"Well, of course I love tricking people, as you well know, but I don't see how that—"

"How would you feel about making people think you were a girl?"

Apparently Roy had decided to come straight to the point. "Wha—?" Ed stammered.

"You heard me. Can you imagine the looks on everyone's faces if I showed up with some random girl, only to have everyone find out that she was a he?"

"Well, true, but still! Me, _cross-dressing_?!" Edward exclaimed in horror.

"Think of it like last week. You'd look sexy in a dress. Besides, I hear that dresses are fun to take off," Roy murmured in his ear seductively.

Edward positively shivered with desire. "They are, huh?" he asked as he advanced, pressing Roy to his desk once more.

"Oh, believe me, they are," Roy said before cohesive speech became impossible.

Five minutes later, Edward pulled away with a smile. "Now, as much as I approve of having fun in the office, people will start to suspect something before they should if this keeps up."

When Roy could speak again, he agreed. "And now," he added, "we have an argument to stage. We need to give people reason to believe you're not going to be there, so when you _are_…"

"I get the picture," Ed cackled. "You know, I could really get into this if it wasn't for the fact that I'm going to be in a dress." Before Roy could reply, he stormed out of the office, shouting, "No way! I will NOT go to a party of ANY sort, even if you ARE Fuhrer now! I never have, and I don't plan on starting any time soon!" His rant continued as he stomped away from Roy's office, leaving a grinning Roy who was suddenly looking forward to getting home even more than usual.

"All ready?" Roy asked his loving "girlfriend" as they walked toward the ballroom the following Saturday.

"No," Ed muttered. "Pranks? Brilliant. Dress? Fine, I guess. But _this_ dress?! Why?!"

"What's wrong with it? I think it looks sexy."

"It's _pink_," Ed wailed quietly.

Ed was actually wearing two dresses, if you looked at it the right way. The underdress was cream with a ruffled and lacy skirt. On top of that the overdress was a rose silk with ruffled sleeves and, to Ed's mind, an overabundance of cream ribbon at the elbows and waist. They had even found something to fill out the top of the dress with, much to Ed's dismay. The only thing remotely good about it was the lacing up the back. Yes, that could be fun indeed. But that came later, after this abomination of a party.

"So remember, what's your name?" Roy muttered as they walked in.

"Eva," Edward replied in a rather convincing falsetto. "Don't you remember that, Roy dearest?"

"Of course," he answered with a smile. "How could I forget the name of such a lovely face?"

"Shut up," Ed said. "And wasn't whatever the hell you did with my hair just taking things a bit far? The braid was fine!"

"But Eva, darling, your hair looks lovely curled. Especially with those ribbons in it." Roy's smile didn't falter a bit. In fact, it seemed to grow.

Heaven help him, Roy was enjoying this far too much for Ed's peace of mind. It was only the thought of what came after the party that got Ed through the large doors. Well, that and Roy's hand in his own gloved one. Yes, they had found more ladylike gloves to cover his automail. It could never be said that Roy was not thorough. Especially…

No. Those were bad thoughts. He couldn't think like that until after they left, no matter how sexy he thought Roy looked in formal wear.

"So, _Eva_, would you like to dance?" Roy asked politely.

"Not on your life. You know I don't dance." Ed replied, still smiling.

"I'm sure you'll do just fine, despite your claims of having a lead foot."

"Steel," Ed muttered, but he reluctantly stepped out onto the dance floor with Roy anyway. Luckily enough, it was a slow dance, so all he really had to do was relax into Roy's arms as he spun them around. It was actually kind of nice, in a strange way.

As the dance ended, Ed spotted people coming their way. "Great," he muttered.

"What is it?"

"People are coming," Ed groaned. This was SO not good. What if he was found out before the proper time came?

"Oh?" Roy turned. "Lieutenant Havoc, Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye."

"Hey, Fuhrer," Havoc said in that casual way of his. "And… who's this lovely lady?"

"Eva," Ed squeaked out, face bright red.

"Nice to meet you," Hawkeye said politely. "I didn't know the Fuhrer was planning on bringing anyone, actually."

"You thought I was going to skip for a celebration of my own, you mean," Roy interjected, laughing.

"Well, to be honest, sir, who didn't think that?"

"Actually, I was the one that didn't want to come," Ed replied. "Roy insisted that I attend at least one of these ridiculous things."

Hawkeye looked at him sharply. "Is that so?" she asked slowly.

"Y-yes," Ed answered nervously. Had she seen through it already?!

She smiled rather evilly. "Well, I must say I'm surprised. But the Fuhrer must really care about you if he wants to be seen with you here, especially if he does it again."

"Well, I know _that_," Ed smiled. And it was true. How could he not know it, after two years of being with the man?

"And well you should," Roy replied, hugging him from behind as he relaxed into the embrace. "Well, we should probably be going. I hate to leave you two so soon, but you know how these things are, I have to say hello to everyone."

"Nice meeting you," Ed sighed in relief as Roy tugged him away and into a corner of the room.

"What's wrong?" Roy whispered. "You look nervous."

"Hawkeye knows," Ed blurted. "There's no two ways about it. That look on her face, she _knows_!"

"Well, I kind of expected that, actually," Roy admitted.

"What?!"

"She's been asking questions lately."

"So she was expecting this to begin with."

"Pretty much. But she won't tell anyone. You know how Hawkeye is."

"That's the only reason I haven't run out of here screaming yet."

"The only reason, huh?" Roy asked, running a hand through Ed's recently curled hair.

"Well, I know there was another reason, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was," Ed grinned wickedly.

"You can't, huh?" Roy asked seductively. "Maybe I'll just have to remind you."

Well, Ed was all for being reminded. Pity they were in public, though, so the dress had to stay on, as did Roy's suit.

When they separated a couple of minutes later, Ed remarked, "There'd better be that and then some waiting for me when we get home. I'm being awful good by going to this thing, there'd better be a damned good reward for this."

"You know how our 'reward system' works. The 'better' the behavior, the better the reward. You'll have to do better than that," Roy grinned.

"Oh, I will be," Ed promised.

And he was. Suffice it to say that about a half hour later Roy was also very much looking forward to getting home. However, there was still the grand revelation left.

"Ed, do you think we can hurry up that plan of ours?" Roy asked.

"Ah, but you were the one who came up with that part of the plan," Ed smirked. "According to you the best time for it is the very end of this ball thing."

"Do I have to drag you into another corner to give you my reasons for wanting to push the time forward?" Roy whispered as he pulled Ed as close to him as was possible.

Ed's eyes darkened and he flushed ever so slightly. "No, I think I know them already. And you can end this whole thing as soon as you want. I'm the one who didn't want to be here at all, remember?"

Roy chuckled. "Yes, I remember. Let's go, then." And the two of them walked together like they were trying to sneak out of the ballroom.

When they finally got out of the room, Ed muttered, "They're following us. Havoc and Fuery are for sure, and I think Falman, Breda, and Hawkeye came along too."

"So much the better, they're all here," Roy remarked. And he pressed Edward up against a wall.

Instantly Ed stopped thinking about how this was going to work out. It was really much better just to experience the moment. Especially since it felt really good to be pressed up against a wall by Roy, particularly when he decided he rather liked Ed's neck.

Finally, Roy pulled away just enough for Ed to vaguely grasp that there was a point to being here. Oh, yes. The plan. "I'm sorry about dragging you away from your party so soon, but I just couldn't get enough of you in formal wear."

"It's all right. I mean, you wore a dress for me. You didn't even want to come to this, much less in this outfit. Right, Ed?"

There were two distinct _thuds_ as Fuery and Havoc fainted. When Ed looked in their direction, Breda and Falman were frozen in shock and Hawkeye was chuckling. Then again, she had already guessed.

No matter. Time for the next part of the plan. Ed widened his eyes and gave Roy as terrified a look as he possibly could. "Roy!" he whispered loudly, clinging to the older man. "There are people here!"

"What?!" Roy asked like he didn't know they had been followed. Turning, he said in mock surprise, "Breda, Hawkeye, what are you doing here?"

Since Hawkeye was the only one capable of speech, she replied, "Well, Havoc decided he wanted to follow you two because you looked like _Eva_ meant more to you than any of your other flings. He and the others didn't exactly expect this."

"Well, as long as they get over it, that's fine. We knew it'd be a shock, that's why we decided to let you know like this and get as much fun out of it as possible. But this is how things are going to be."

"Just one question, sir. How long?"

Hawkeye didn't need to elaborate. "Two years now," Ed interjected with a bright smile on his face.

"It has been two years, hasn't it?" Roy asked, also smiling.

Ed smirked. "If you don't know the answer to that, you are SO sleeping on the couch tonight, reward system or no."

Hawkeye's eyes widened. "We'll just be going now, won't we?" she asked the others nervously. Together they picked Havoc and Fuery up off the floor and hurried in the opposite direction.

"Well, that takes care of them," Roy commented as they walked towards Roy's car.

"It does. But please tell me you at least remembered we've been together for two years?" Ed pleaded. "I'd really hate to have to make you sleep on the couch and make this whole thing worth absolutely nothing."

"I did. But I knew you'd have a reply that would probably make the others run away screaming."

"You always know everything, don't you?" Ed sighed, embracing the older man and tucking his head under his chin.

"For your purposes? Yes," Roy replied. "Now, as exciting as this is, we do have to get home. I'm sure the military wouldn't be very appreciative of me giving you your reward here in the parking lot."

"No, it wouldn't be," Ed smirked. He was going to enjoy this. As soon as he got home and out of this stupid dress, anyway.

Liked it? Hated it? Thought it was a new spin on an old plotline? Thought it was so cliché you had to run to the nearest bathroom every few lines to puke? Let us know in your REVIEW.

No, we'd neveR usE subliminal messages in a Very pathetIc attEmpt to get revieWs. That's Not like us at all, wOuldn't you knoW?

Ember and Rags to Riches- the mutant penguins


End file.
